HOW TO SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE

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Ephesians 4:11-15 “And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

12For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

13Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

14That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;

15But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.

For many, “speaking the truth in love” often means sharing difficult truths in a kind, gentle, and inoffensive manner. While there is some merit to this interpretation, it only scratches the surface of what the Apostle Paul meant in his message to the Ephesians.

In Ephesians 4:11-15, Paul speaks about the importance of spiritual maturity. He emphasizes that believers are called to grow in faith and knowledge so that they are not easily swayed by false doctrines and unstable teachings. In this context, Paul instructs the church to “speak the truth in love” so that we may become mature in Christ. The real purpose of this exhortation is not just about how we communicate but also about becoming spiritually grounded and strong.

Paul’s command to “speak the truth in love” was given in the context of spiritual maturity. He wants believers to grow in Christ, fully equipped and capable of standing firm against false teachings and the shifting winds of doctrine (Ephesians 4:14). The purpose of this growth is so that, as we mature, we may speak truth with love. Only a mature Christian—grounded in Christ—can truly speak the truth in love.

Truth, according to Scripture, is not just a set of facts or principles. It is a person, Jesus Christ Himself. In John 14:6, Jesus declares, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Truth is inseparable from Christ. To speak the truth is to speak Christ.

Love, on the other hand, is not simply about affection or kindness. Love, in its deepest form, is self-sacrifice. In John 3:16, we see the greatest demonstration of love: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.” Love is the willingness to give everything—even one’s life—for the benefit of others. It is not merely sentimental but deeply rooted in action and sacrifice (John 15:13).

“Speaking the truth in love” therefore means speaking Jesus Christ with a spirit of self-sacrifice (love). It is proclaiming the gospel truth in ways that show our willingness to endure personal cost (sacrifice, love) for the sake of the message, even if others will hate us.

1 Corinthians 13:6 teaches us that love rejoices in the truth. This reveals that love and truth are intrinsically connected. The more we know the truth (Jesus), the more we can love with true, godly love. Love is, in fact, a product of truth. The more truth we possess, the more love we have to offer. When we embrace the fullness of Christ, who is the embodiment of truth, our love becomes pure and genuine.

Without a deep knowledge of truth, we cannot genuinely know love. This is a powerful statement. It teaches us that we cannot separate love from truth. If we ignore truth, our love is not real; it’s merely sentimentality.

Many preachers and teachers today may misuse the concept of “speaking the truth in love.” For instance, some may assume that if a preacher uses gentle, kind, or soothing words, they are speaking the truth in love. On the other hand, if someone speaks with boldness or without sugar-coating their words, they may be perceived as unloving. But does the tone of delivery determine the presence of love?

Consider an evangelist who rebukes you for neglecting church attendance. Is that not love? The correction, though difficult to hear, may be an act of care for your spiritual well-being. Love, in this sense, drives someone to risk relationships and comfort just to deliver life-saving truths. This is what speaking the truth in love is all about.

There are also gentle preachers whose words sound kind, but lack biblical truth. Just because someone speaks softly does not mean they are truly speaking the truth in love.

Speaking the truth in love is risky because it often requires us to sacrifice our comfort, reputation, or relationships. If you love someone, you will care more about their spiritual condition than the temporary discomfort of telling them the truth. This is where self-sacrifice comes into play. It’s easy to avoid conflict and stay silent, but true love will compel us to speak even when it is difficult.

Love will drive you to care more about your brother or sister suffering the consequences of their error than about how they might feel toward you after you’ve corrected them. True love prioritizes the eternal well-being of others above your personal comfort.

Unfortunately, some ministers avoid telling the truth for the sake of keeping “peace”. They suggest that by avoiding conflict, they are being loving. This is the worst kind of advice. The failure to speak truth leads to spiritual immaturity, both in individuals and the church.

Paul’s goal for the church was that believers would attain the full stature of Christ (Ephesians 4:13). This maturity can only come through the truth. Jesus said the Spirit of truth would guide us into all truth (John 16:13). We are called to be conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29), and this transformation cannot happen without a deep knowledge of truth. The reason the foolish virgins in Jesus’ parable were not raptured is that they did not possess enough oil—the oil of truth.

Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 2:4, “We speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel.” Our role is to speak the truth as accurately as possible and leave the consequences to God. True spiritual maturity means pleasing God by telling the whole truth, not by pleasing men.

We are called to be truthful in all aspects of our lives. As members of the body of Christ, we should not deceive one another. Hiding the truth out of shame or a desire to manage our images is a form of deception. Love demands transparency and truthfulness.

The best way we can show love is by sharing the truth of Christ. Without truth, people remain dead in their sins, separated from God, and destined for eternity apart from Him (John 3:16-18; Romans 6:23). Therefore, withholding truth is the most unloving thing we can do.

Maturity in Christ means we learn not to be offended by the truth. Jesus said, “Blessed is he who is not offended at me” (Matthew 11:6). True blessings flow when we can receive the truth with a mature heart, without offense. The maturity of the church depends on the willingness of individuals to suffer in order to proclaim the truth.

Paul’s desire—and the desire of every mature Christian—should be that the body of Christ grows into the fullness of truth. This is the ultimate goal of our faith: to be conformed to the image of Christ. Only when we embrace the truth can we experience the fullness of God’s love and become the mature, spiritually grounded believers that Paul speaks about in Ephesians 4.

Let us speak the truth in love, with boldness and self-sacrifice, so that the church may be built up, and the world may come to know the life-changing truth of Christ.