THE DAY I QUESTIONED MY LORD

While I’m walking from work to home one day
You showed to me a great opportunity
Clearly that day I saw, what You want me to do
Through that vision Lord, if only I’ll follow You

“A chance to show my faith” I say in pray’r
Hoping to pleased You, my purpose laid bare
I know in your Word that You have showed me
Only those who have faith are able to pleased Thee

So I live it everyday Lord, the path You have revealed
The one You have showed me, in my heart is sealed
Though truth be told, it was very hard my Lord
For the enemy bombarded me with things untold

Like Peter I was bombarded with waves so high
Of strong winds around me, my faith wanted to die
Like David facing Goliath with the people’s cry
Telling him to give up for he will surely die

But I followed it oh Lord, I followed it
The faith You have showed me, I hold on to it
Every detail of it, none slip in the way
Despite the hardships, I have faced everyday

Then came the day of this faith to come true
I was so excited Lord, knowing I hold on to You
Everything that I saw, through that vision that day
Happened exactly, as what You have showed me

“I knew it Lord, I knew it!” to myself I said
You will give this to me, this is where You have led
Yes everything you showed me, happened that day
Everything – except for the result, I was in misery

I was not selected
Did not receive what I expected
The exact opposite happened
I was totally defeated

It shattered me into a crisp
Everything I believe in, were smashed to a heap
My first question that day is “Why oh Lord?”
Why?
What did I miss? What did I lack?
I followed it faithfully, yet I’m thrown off track
What did I do wrong Lord, please tell me
I thought if I follow You, everything will be okay?

Questions filled me that day, my spirit was crushed
Where do I go from here, to whom should I trust?
It felt so painful Lord, it felt so unjust
My faith that was strong, was turn into dust

Though my loving wife hugged me, comforted me that day
And my son told me “not to worry Daddy”
Still, Oh Lord, I want an answer from Thee
Yet in all of these, You’re quiet all the way

I cried not because of the missed opportunity
I cried not because of the people around me
I cried because oh Lord, I cannot feel Your presence
Today that I need You, running short is my patience

I want to depart, ‘til I heard an answer from You
To reevaluate all those things, I thought that I knew
Where have You gone, where did You go?
I need you now Lord, please let me know.

But alas oh Lord, I knew I can’t do it
To depart from Thee, that I wouldn’t permit
For though I want to hate You, to leave You, to shun You
Still oh dear Lord, I deeply love You

I love it dear Lord when I know something about You
When You reveal your Word to me, I can’t help but admire You
When I remember oh Lord, those things You did for me
I cannot help but wonder “No doubt, You love me”

Whenever I find treasures in Your Word’s decree,
Your joy floods my soul, so boundless so free.
Your revelations shine, like the morning’s first run,
I seek for Your presence, like flower seeks the sun.

What have You done to me, what spell from above?
For without You I know, I cannot know love
My soul longs for You, my Spirit cannot lie
Without You dear Lord, I know I will die

If I will leave You now, You will chase after me
If I go to the mountains, there You will be
If I go to the oceans, there You will flee
So tell me dear Lord, how can I escape Thee?

In my greatest despair, You offer hope anew,
Lifting me up whenever I feel blue
When others depart, You remain steadfast
In each of my weakness, Your strength is to last.

So tell me, dear Lord, why do You chase me?
Why do You linger, when I wanted to flee Thee?
Your love pursues me, so relentless and true,
Even when I question, You remain my rescue.

After all these questionings, a tap in the back I receive
The source is unknown, yet I’m able to perceive
A revelation dawn to me, so clear as can be
Here now are the answers to my questions to Thee

“You’re questioning me because you know I’m in control
From the bottom of your heart, you know I hold every soul
You’re not questioning them though they’ve hurt you more
It’s goes to mean Bon, we’re closer now than before

But hey, it’s okay, I prepared good things for you!
I am still in control, this is still true
It’s enough that you followed those things I’ve showed Thee
I’ll handle it from here, watch and you’ll see”

With shame in my heart, I lowered my face
Forgive me dear Lord, for doubting Your grace
In doubt and uncertainty, You have remained so true
I’ll walk by faith now, I will remain in You

Then I recall in 2012, this has happened before,
Almost the same event, my hopes became wore.
But two years after that, Your plan did ensue,
Great blessings unfolded, for I trusted in You.

Now the important lesson I get from this is that,
“True faith is still loving You and trusting You no matter what
Though the result is not what we have expected to see.
The important thing is we remained true, I can rest peacefully.”

About Author